COMING ALONGSIDE OTHERS
Shifting from Discord to Dialogue Helps Us Live Together in Harmony
Helping people connect to create infinite possibilities™
~ Revolutionary Conversations: The Tools You Need for the Success You Want
Life is filled with people, projects, goals, tasks, dreams, challenges, successes, disappointments. Consider our world today with turmoil in our nation, government, climate and environmental health, financial/economic well-being, relationships, etc. Many are struggling, rightfully so, to balance chaos with common sense, authentic yet peaceful interactions and proactive actions. Many “solutions” are being thrown around with individual, personal and political lines in the sand. Control nature or cooperate with nature? War or peace? Religious dominance or religious freedom? Gender inequality or gender equality? Diverse or not Diverse? Do we see battlefields or cornfields, endless struggle or peace and prosperity?
As we work to find/create solutions, what’s missing seems to be a balance between “discord and dialogue.” If there were such a balance, it wouldn’t feel as if we are pitting ourselves against others when sharing our ideas and actions. Instead, to be more inclusive, consider a “coming alongside” approach to engage all aspects of the situation so that we can come together, embrace being on the same page, make course corrections and move forward in unison — for the benefit of all.
In today’s reality, we have an opportunity to see how pulling together and looking at all aspects of a situation can be a roadmap for taking challenges and opportunities to a whole new level of possibilities. We all are aware of discord around what seems to be just about everything. If we could look at chaos around us with new eyes and from different perspectives and goals that meet the needs of all sides of the discussion/situation, we might advance our world so much more for the benefit of all.
Shifting Win/Lose
Our governments, businesses, communities, relationships, families, friends are not sports activities where win/lose rules apply. Sports are a test of our abilities, a development process for us to grow, learn and evolve — they are also fun. Win/Lose has no place in situations where we have responsibilities to others or to the well-being of any and all around us. In today’s world, however, win/lose rules dominate so much that dialogue almost doesn’t — indeed, can’t — exist. We see it everywhere. Is it possible that we are so comfortable with win/lose that we don’t notice the level of dissension and discord that it creates plus risks that it places on happiness, security and abundance?
If we are going to change for the better and move forward successfully, we must start embracing an inclusive strategy that definitely works better. Doing so will allow us to strive to understand situations with a new clarity, to take responsibility to temper our agendas and convert them into contributions.
It’s important to embrace the idea that it’s not what we know but what we need to know that moves us forward. Also, it’s important to realize that “peaceful” and “successful” can coexist when we have real conversations/dialogues that help us learn to live with each other effectively.
Change Begins with Us
How many situations in your life would you like to shift from a “line-in-the-sand” approach — my idea vs your idea — to focus on coming alongside ourselves, others and situations, while seeking to be on the same page for the betterment of all concerned?
We would be more successful if we worked on making collaboration more prominent than contention or altercation or opposition. Making others wrong may feel right for a moment, but it is totally unproductive and generally goes nowhere.
It’s time we shifted our approach to resolving issues and embracing challenges with a focus on doing it together, whether 2 or 10 or 300 or 20,000 of us. Are we not tired of watching our well-being — our own and that of our communities, businesses, world — being batted back and forth like a tennis ball from one individual, influencer, leadership or management group/organizational group to another, waiting to see who wins? Our future is at stake — and that’s not a game.
Let’s step back a moment and look at how we handle our own important, sometimes problematic, conversations every day. Are we, too, doing the same thing: negotiating back and forth, trying to win the exchange?
Where to begin? We can begin when we realize we are all in this together and become willing to let go of struggling to be right! When we embrace dialogue and let go of trying to be right, make a point or feel as if we are pitting our ideas against someone else’s, we instantly elevate the potential of the conversation. You have the power to stop the battle and start a conversation that will allow answers to emerge.
Being on the Same Page
Is being on the same page the same as thinking alike and completely agreeing with others? If we’re on the same page, are we mirrors of each other — and not ourselves? Not at all. For example, two people can be in love with each other, yet have differing ways of doing things or, even, different perspectives on life. A friend, George, had a business associate for years who was as politically different from him as one could be. Yet, when it came to working together to solve problems for clients, George couldn’t have asked for a better team member. In matters of business, they were clearly on the same page.
We can start to get more on the same page when we resist the urge to jump to solutions — How will we fix this? — and focus more on “what” we want to accomplish or, better yet, “what” actually needs to be accomplished.
Let’s say two people want to create a more effective, peaceful situation. One person wants his/her plan to be adopted, while the other wants things his/her own way. They won’t get to agreement by focusing on “how” when/if each has his/her way to create the right environment — my solution vs your solution. Once those lines are drawn, whether between a few people or between groups of people, those involved never get to be on the same page about what a collaborative, effective situation could be or could look like.
We see this dynamic everywhere in all aspects of our lives. When we spend so much time on being right about the “how” and not coming together about the “what” or the vision, then everyone loses almost every time.
With releasing the need to be “right” as the first step in choosing dialogue over discord, the second step is going for the “what”:
· What are we trying to accomplish?
· What will this look like?
· How do we get on the same page to make it work?
· What can each of us do to bring effective collaboration to the process?
Maximizing the Power of Dialogue
It is important to understand differences between discord and dialogue and how conversation can bridge them:
· Discord: a lack of agreement or harmony (as between persons, things, ideas)
· Dialogue: a conversation between two or more persons
· Conversation: an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, ideas
We can bring discord and dialogue back into balance with conversation.
Must we fall into the jabber and babel of discord
while victory is still unattained?
~ Sir Winston Churchill, 1945 speech, Victory
On the surface, it appears as if discord is committed to getting its way, while dialogue is more committed to exploring options and to working through things. However, if we were to make the mistake of defining discord as bad, as a negative, we would be missing a possible opportunity. Good, even exceptional, grist for the mill can and does evolve out of discord. Embracing the unique value of discord can bring important perspectives and ideas to the table. Having a great idea is sometimes so empowering and engulfing that we become very committed to the “rightness” of our creation. When that happens, we may begin to draw that line in the sand where our brainchild becomes the be-all and end-all for “how” to get a situation where we think it ought to go. Right there is where collaboration is lost and discord rules unless dialogue and conversation can enter the scene.
Here is where the power of dialogue can help balance the process and move more effectively forward. Dialogue wants more ideas, more options, more alternatives because it wants to create something that includes all ingredients to help advance a situation to a new level of success. Dialogue can reach across the chasm to discord and understand what discord has to offer. Dialogue restores balance so that a new level of conversation can happen. We get on the same page when we use dialogue to embrace the other side, the other view or perspective as an option. This creates a whole new pathway that everyone can explore together. Who knows what good concepts lie within, behind or over what is driving the need for discord to be right?
Summary
If we can work toward coming alongside others to help us be on the same page about what we can achieve together, we can chart a new path to maximize the way we do things. By reducing the distractive aspects of discord and enhancing the collaborative, inclusive side of dialogue, we will waste less time and stand a much higher chance of success — we will be pooling energy, ideas and goals for a better world. These types of interactions can happen everywhere: in our homes and workplaces and among our world leaders.
Watch how all involved will be more successful when we remember these 3 imperatives for getting and staying on the same page:
· Release the need to be right. Chances are, whatever we are doing will add value. To believe that we have the only answer, however, is most often not reality.
· Reach out to understand what is being built, accomplished, changed — what value is being created. How might it help all of our experiences?
· Embrace an idea, a suggestion that you might, at first, not believe has any value except for the individual(s) offering the idea or suggestion. Everyone might be surprised.
Contributions to the cause or resolution of any situation can come from anywhere, even ones we might abhor initially. Consider self-interest. Important information and ideas can come to light from respectful dialogue about what lies beneath it, within it, around it. Don’t gloss over it or let it be missed.
You may think this sounds difficult to do. Consider how beautifully we pull together to be on the same page in a disaster. There may be many reasons for this. One reason is that the “what” gets more defined in times of crisis: If we don’t do something, we could lose our business, our homes, jobs, savings, self-image, public respect! With no time for the tennis match of “my idea vs your idea,” the “what” rises to a clearer pitch and the “how” doesn’t dominate. Instead, the “how” becomes an integral part of what needs to be done to achieve the “what.” This is collaboration at its best.
…Why wait for a crisis? Let’s start today.
Deep down, most people want to do the right thing.
When given a way to interact without blame and judgment, people can
embrace opportunities to be better and do better, while being part of the solution.
~ Revolutionary Conversations: The Tools You Need for the Success You Want
Foreword by Mark H. Fowler
ABOUT MARK H. FOWLER
Mark H. Fowler, President of Stowe Management Corporation and Founder/Co-CEO of Revolutionary Conversations, LLC, is a business growth and re-engineering expert, author and writer, business educator, public speaker and change leader. Mr. Fowler specializes in transitioning businesses from challenge to achievement to attain new levels of success: focused on enhancing revenues and profits, while instituting cultural and interactive processes that substantially increase collaboration and engagement. As a member of AICPA and California CPA Society, he has served in several leadership roles. He is a Co-Founder of the Rotary E-Club of World Peace.
A leader in the “business engagement” field for decades, he has developed systems and communication protocols, stressing the importance of team empowerment and personal development. With his emphasis on engagement, he created and designed a conversation system called the S.H.A.R.E.™ Tools, which are the basis of his award-winning book Revolutionary Conversations: The Tools You Need for the Success You Want. The S.H.A.R.E.™ Tools are an essential ingredient for success in working with all forms of challenges and impediments, while always focusing on the value and well-being of all. Helping business owners/executives/leaders/managers and team members in a revolutionary, transformational way to be on the same page to move forward together, he has aided their success with incredible achievements that were unattainable in their former reality.
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